just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
