i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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