It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
