Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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