my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
