I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Man, jail baloney is awful.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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