u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize