I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
MIDGETS
????
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
