When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Randomize
