**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
