I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
