well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Randomize
