I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Randomize
