Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
