there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
