Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
