i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
