I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I think im going to throw up on grandma
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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