google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
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