I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
