when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
