isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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