like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize