so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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