He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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