He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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