that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
