Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
