i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Randomize
