Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
