I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
