Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
