the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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