remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
thus making me awesome and them whores
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
