She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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