Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
