dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
