oh god the rape fog is back!
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
