I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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