he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
