Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
