Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
