I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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