the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
