I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
