he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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