Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(612): View more from Minnesota

There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.

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(615): View more from Tennessee

Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.

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(206): View more from Washington

After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.

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(913): View more from Kansas

Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.

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(910): View more from North Carolina

Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.

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(314): View more from Missouri

I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments

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(207): View more from Maine

Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.

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(402): View more from Nebraska

I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'

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(773): View more from Illinois

Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?

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