Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
