Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
