so that wasnt chicken after all
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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