remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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