They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
