Non-Jews are for practice
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
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