yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
