i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
