no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
