Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Randomize
