No subtext here. People are naked.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
