So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
