We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
