We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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