the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
