And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Still dying that you shit outside
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Randomize
