I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
