Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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