i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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