i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
