If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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