My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
