well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
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