Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
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