they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
