He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
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