I wish life had little blips of pornography
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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