Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
The air was thick with penises
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
