I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
