i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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