I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
you never un-have a 4some
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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