i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
