I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
As shirtless as possible
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
