Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
You ever have a fart follow you around?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
