everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Randomize
