He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
