You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
where are you?
Hypothermia
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
