3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Having a random hookup so left but love u
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
